This is the third and final part of the chastity interview with Ms. Olivia. I know many of you have been enjoying it as much as I have enjoyed it and she has a great view of chastity and what it means to have total control over a cock.
11. Of all the pets that you’ve put into chastity devices, approximately what percentage will slip or otherwise not complete their term?
This is very rare! I tend to handle this before I ever actually put a chastity pet in chastity. I have a bunch of pre-qualifying questions that I weave into our conversations about chastity. I can get an intuitive sense of someone’s chastity potential. I tend to weed out the ones that aren’t serious. I’ve only had 1 person who absolutely insisted on going into chastity and I didn’t pay attention to my gut feelings. He bought the chastity device without my guidance. He didn’t follow initial instructions of how long to wear it. He got sore (no kidding, that’s why he got initial instructions). In other words, he was trying to show what a good submissive he was by going overboard — in everything, not just in wearing the chastity cage. This is not being submissive. If someone demonstrates a lack of willingness or an inability to follow instructions from this experienced Mistress then I might fool around with a chastity cage, but it’s a fantasy, they’re not a real chastity slave or chastity pet.
12. Since you don’t hold the actual keys to the device, how can you be sure that your chastity pet isn’t cheating?
There are ways to do this. Some are timed sites where he is locked up but doesn’t get the combination for a period of time. Screen shots can also be helpful. Ultimately, chastity is about trust and communication. In our conversations, I’ll pick up if it’s a chastity fantasy only and then it doesn’t really matter what he’s doing, it’s an erotic sexual fantasy (which is fun!) If he’s serious, then there are ways to make it more real without being the physical keyholder.
13. How would you answer a prospective chastity pet who says, “I want to be locked up and never cum again”?
Hmmmmm, I think it would depend on where and how he says that. If it’s in a free email I would probably ignore the comment and politely send him links for chastity posts I’ve done on my blog, Experienced Mistress. The guys who say that outside of sessions are generally looking for a trigger word or phrase for free in an unpaid email. If he’s telling me that in his phone sex session then I’ll go back to my standard, “it depends” answer because with chastity there is no one answer across the board.
14. Being locked in chastity is difficult. How do you as the Mistress provide guidance and maintain your pets to keep them on the path?
Chastity is much more than merely locking a chastity cage. That is the physical representation of the deeper power exchange dynamic. The chastity experience is a mutual experience for us both. As a chastity Mistress I’m IN that chastity rollercoaster with him – he is on the cock locked side, I am the cock keeper – we are two sides of the same coin.
Being in a chastity device is not for the faint of heart. I remind him that our experience together is about taking time to get where we’re going. Erotic chastity is clearly part of the art of tease and denial — on steroids! ~laughs~ He is experiencing extreme sexual frustration and that delightful erotic sensation of being constantly aroused without release. I manage the where we’re going and when we’ll get there part. If I tell him everything then I think it takes away from the chastity experience. Assignments, tests, treats, diversions, redirection, focus on goals, etc are just some of the ways to keep him yearning to get out but staying in the cock cage for Mistress.
15. What are some of the day to day difficulties that I’ll experience if you lock me up?
Some of the day to day difficulties fall into different categories and can include: physical, mental, and emotional aspects. For some there is a spiritual component as well (both as a difficulty and as a positive aspect as well). I’ll briefly touch on each category:
Physical: If the chastity cage doesn’t fit comfortably then it’s only a matter of time before fun sexual frustration will turn into not fun pain. I like a well fitting chastity device and help him buy one that actually fits and is comfortably uncomfortable. Sexual frustration, swollen balls, etc are all part of the chastity experience.
Mental: Like most things, this is not one size fits all. For some, the mental challenge is that he isn’t jacking off a bunch so it requires an attitude adjustment. For others the sensation of being cock locked frees up his psyche to do all sorts of amazing things which can include proper worship of his Mistress or other women.
Emotional: This is the best and the worst aspect of the challenge of chastity – the emotional rollercoaster. Count on emotions all over the map … some will find that a worthy challenge to enjoy, others will make that a negative challenge.
Like most things in life, each person’s day to day challenges while in chastity will be unique.
16. In your experience, what signs do you look for that would indicate that a locked pet might be having trouble?
I insist that a submissive must be a healthy playmate. In BDsm culture that means I don’t play with a submissive who can’t or won’t use a safe word or accept that they have personal agency in the power exchange dynamic. I can be a sadistic mean Mistress but it’s only fun for me if that is consensual. I’m not into non-consensual abuse.
If I get the vibe that he’s suffering through abuse (not the fun kind of consensual kinky play) to somehow prove he can suffer for his Mistress then it’s no fun for me because he’s the one in control, he’s calling the shots. It’s never the amount of suffering,, it’s the fact that I’m in control.
I stop the scene if he’s playing the victim rather than the submissive. It’s like the definition of porn, “I know it when I see it.” We will have a Meta conversation and sort out the issues. Like I said, I don’t play with passive aggressive people or people that won’t engage in clear communication of issues, needs, or desires. If this is why he’s having trouble then chances are he won’t go back into chastity for me.
That said, there are many kinds of trouble in the chastity experience. Chastity is really the ultimate surrender or, for me, the ultimate control of a submissive. For men, the experience of jacking off and having an orgasm is deeply ingrained. Giving that up is as exciting as it is traumatic. Of course, he’s going to have trouble while in chastity! That’s where experience with BDsm and power exchange really matters. What to do, how to do it makes a difference when times get tough for a chastity pet (and they will) — As an experienced Mistress I can usually guide the conversation to clarify the trouble and then direct the chastity experience back on the appropriate path.
Let me just say this to you Ms Constance. I’ve emailed with some of your chastity pets over the years. I’ve read your chastity posts. I count you as a friend personally and professionally as a phone sex Mistress.
If anyone wants to find out YOUR level of quality as a Chastity Mistress, simply look at the questions you ask. Your questions show a deep and abiding regard for the chastity pet. I know you adore your individual chastity pets, but the quality of these questions shows that you have taken chastity from fetish play to superior play.
I believe if you want to know the level of skill of anyone, look at what questions they ask. YOU m’dear really are the Intelligent Femdom and I just wish I had a cock, I’d let you put me in chastity anywhere, any time and in any manner you wanted.
Damn, I can’t believe I just said that in fucking public! But, it’s true m’dear.