So I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine who is married and has been for 10 years, it seems her husband keeps things hidden from her and for the life of me I cannot figure out why? She is very open sexually this I know for a fact and he claims to enjoy her being so open yet he does not open up to her about his naughty needs or desires….why?
So often in my world of being a Phone Sex Mistress I have men calling me who cannot open up to their wives or girlfriends about their kinks, so they share them with me which is a safe healthy way to explore them. What I want to know is if you did have a wife who was open to anything said it and even encouraged kink play would you love it or would you still hide?
Here is an example….she loves sex toys all types and asks her husband if he would like to use any or have her use them on him but he never does, yet after buying a new dildo it will disappear mysteriously never to be seen again and when questioned he claims to have no idea where it is…..yet only the two of them have access to the toys hmmmmmmmm???? She always suspected him of taking them but wondered why he would use it alone instead of with her……I am sure he is uptight and a bit embarrassed to admit he enjoys anal stimulation but again I ask if you were into that and you had a wife who was wouldn’t it make it even hotter for you to share instead of sneaking around?
She recently found a stash of his toys by accident yet she does not know how to approach it with him because of the looming idea she is snooping and being nosey which is not how she found them at all. From a male point of view what would you think if your wife said I found your prostate massager and would love to see you use it for me? Would you say why were you snooping and don’t go through my things only to hide it in a better spot or would you be inclined to use it with her?
So what I really want to know are a few things and I even created a poll over on our adult social network enchantrix empire to get your feedback.
1} Do you hide your kinks from your wife or girlfriend
2}Would you hide your kinks if she was open to them
3}If you were caught with toys would you be mad or relieved
4}If you were caught would you use those toys with her
5} What would possess a man to hide such thing from a willing partner?
6}How can she get him to share and not hide?
Feel free to leave your comments here and or the Enchantrix Empire one thing she would love to know from a males point of view is how would she be able to get him to share these things with her and not hide them the way he does? This is your chance to be heard on a serious question on how you would deal with it if you were the husband and any and all advice you would have for her.
I tell my right hand EVERYTHING.I figure it’s the least I could considering all she does for me.
Revelations can be very theraputic. i.e. If she hadn’t told me she was cheating on me with another guy,I would’ve never found out I was gay.
LOL ed and I am sure your right hand is thrilled to know everything after all she needs to know what your up to so she can perform at her best night after night! hahaha
Night after night?With the same girl?!You gotz to be kiddin’!
Although I will say that the benefit’s of her being on the pill is that I ain’t gotz to pull out!
hahahahah but your girl is your right hand………lol no worries there sunshine hahahahaha thanks for the laughs ed!
My girl is not IN my right hand.My girl IS my right hand.
Apparently,my humor’s too advanced for you.
Oh,and she’d like me to ask you to stop staring at me like that cuz she’s tired of having to towel off every 5 minutes.
Thanx sexy!!
LOL yeah too advance for me ed thats what you are………..NOT and why does she want me to stop staring? Is she afraid you might ditch her for some of the real thing??
As long as you’re the real thing,I don’t think she’d mind.
Keep staring and I may just become reacquainted with that four letter L word I gave up on long ago.
Kiss kiss beautiful.
Awww I am glad she wont mind heheheheheh :::stares at ed:: do I hear the L word? huh do I? hehehehe kiss kiss
You know I take that shit seriously.Cut it out(*blushes*).
BTW,I think we’re alone now shhhhhhhhh….
LMAO were alone lemme at it!!
1) Yes
2) Yes… and no.
3) Embarrassed, but probably relieved.
4) Yes.
5) This speaks to #2 as well. Fear and identity. Even with a willing partner, there is always a risk that things will change in a way that you are not comfortable with. Will it essentially change the relationship? Just because both partners can accept it on one level that doesn’t mean that it won’t change things.
The other day I was surfing the web on sexual subjects and stumbled across a site on prison @@@@ (I guess some keywords matched.) I read a really touching story (not sexual at all, just a moving human piece) about a guy who had been abused in prison for a period of several weeks by several inmates. After he was transferred to another institution, that didn’t follow him luckily, and he was not put in that position again.
Years later, out of prison, he is married, and his wife opens up to him about being sexually abused as a teen. He tells her he understands. When she challenged that, he told her about his prison abuse experience. Tragically, she got angry with him and was upset that he submitted sexually to other men for a period of weeks. It ultimately destroyed the marriage.
While this may be worlds apart from your friend’s situation, I could see some of the same concern being there. Even if a woman is OK with the fantasy and play, will her opinion of her husband be permanently altered/diminished? That I do see as a legit concern. And that type of thing plays out in a lot of fantasy stories as well (although I always felt those were downers that kind of ruin the fantasy, to each their own.)
6) Tough one. Ultimately, if the concern is one of fear of changing relationships, she’d have to assuage that fear. How many times in the media does the typical male-female dynamic. Male wants woman to submit to sex act. Woman asks whether he will still respect her in the morning. Man assures her absolutely! Woman complies. Man brags about it on Facebook and loses any semblance of respect.
So imagine that as the basis for the fear.
WOW! Nice reply thank you for all your thoughtful insight…………I get how after being found out it can be embarrassing and shameful and all that I truly do what I dont get is his need to continue to hide even though she has on several occasions asked him to share wanted him to use those toys is very open and willing. I suppose some things he just never wanted to share. Thanks for the post I am making sure she comes and reads all of these 🙂
Geez a mutli part quiz! lol
OKay…………
1) Generally no, I do not hide my kinks from her and have had many great role plays over the years. But, having said that not everything that comes to mind is shared. Some subjects she would not apperciate or be into.
2) No
3)Hmmm, embarassed, unless she was into them.
4)We have used toys, so yes I would.
5)I suppose the why’s are very specific to each couple……..But again, embarassment, fear of rejection, or lack of interest in his wife might be top answers
6)How could a wife get her hubby to share? Hmmm, perhaps by confessing her kinks? He might be inspired to confess his own, particularly if they were the same kinks 🙂
Thanks cuckie for your input……I am glad you dont hide your kinks and glad you have shared I can understand the picking and choosing of what you share. As far as how to get him to share well I think she has done that told him her kinks asked to explore them but he is hesitant. Thank you for all your input here I am sure she will find some useful
As a man who spent the first 29 years of his marriage hiding and being caught, promising to stop and then starting all over again, I have some insight into these wonderful questions.
After opening up to strangers at an interactive web site, I built up the courage to open up to my wife. I now share a lot of my kinks and fantasies with her. She wants to know what is going on inside my head and is trying to understand it. She is willing to participate and it has opened up a whole new level of intimacy in our relationship. I literally worship the ground she walks on.
I still don’t share everything. We all have limits and there is always a risk of rejection and loss. So to answer the questions…
1. I hide some, but not all of my kinks from my wife.
2. No I would not hide any kinks I knew she was open to. But often it is hard know that up front. It’s easy if she initiates the discussion of a kink and her openness to it. But life seldom works like that. It is filled with gray areas and you can’t be sure of how a wife or loved one may react.
3. I have been caught in the act many times and I was neither mad or relieved. Each time, I was worried it would end our relationship and it took a lot of time and fancy foot work to patch things up. Each time she was hurt, not so much by what I was doing, but by the fact I was cutting her out. She has told me, most women want to know what is going on in the heads of their loved ones. They want affirmation and involvment.
4. If I was caught doing something on my own, I would be right back where I was before… Trying to mend a broken relationship. Trust me, they want to know what’s going on and do not want to be left out.
5. As I said above, some things remain hidden because of the uncertainty of how they will be percieved.
6. I share more with my wife now, because she has has expressed a need to understand what is going on in my head. How much I share depends on the topic and risk involved. We obviously have a lot invested in each other and a life time of understanding the true nature of our love for one another. It is a foundation which allows for more open and frank discussions. I am more willing to discuss my kinks in a safe environment, with no fears of rejection. This is easy in an anonomous environment with no strings attached. It is quite different in real life.
If you have further questions or would like to pick my brain, drop me a message.
Wow and thank you for such a well thought out and giving reply……….I am impressed at how you admit you have been caught and all that happens when you are I think thats kinda where they are now the being caught feeling hurt and the trying to repair the damage. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around why if a woman was more than accepting and willing and open why he would still feel the need to hide and sneak about. I guess in his mind he felt shame and such and as you mentioned you dont share everything. My advice to her was baby steps not to push for everything but to take it step by step slowly. Thanks for all your very wise comments and I am looking forward to getting to know YOU better amazing comments!!!
My girlfriend know about my kinky habits, but she thinks it’s weird. I told her she should join me and try but she refused. She said that at least i’m not cheating on her. I think she wants to but is afraid of what I might think of her. I told her how can I judge her when I do what I do. She doesn’t understand why I like to be in the chatroom and on cock radio. I told her it is what it is and I like it. I told her if she felt like that, maybe we should break up but of course she doesn’t want to do that. Myself, I think it’s a lot of fun and very interesting.
Kurt I am glad your open about your kinky habits but keep in mind cock radio and chat is not a replacement for a real physical relationship. Have you invited her to join in with you to see the fun and the appeal it has for you? I think your kinks may make her feel insecure in a way as with many it does they feel like if thats what you like than where does that leave me? All in All I am glad you share your kinks and needs with her and perhaps one day she will want to experiment with you on some of them
in the interests of full disclosure, these answers are given with 20/20 hindsight.
1} Did i hide my kinks from my wife?
Absolutely, all though a lot of my kinks sort of “evolved” as i explored what for me was the underpinning (submissiveness), when on-line resources were first becoming available.
2}Would i have hidden my kinks if had she been open to them
i don’t believe so. at least over the 1st 10 years, i really did adore Her & would have loved being able to explore sexuality with Her.
perhaps as a function of Her South Carolina Episcopalian upbringing, adventure extended only as far as Her being on top. perhaps as a function of my own German Lutheran upbringing, sharing…expressing myself…was never my forte.
3}If i had been caught with toys would you be mad or relieved?
i would have been equal parts chagrined, humiliated, & confrontational, i fear. while i never had toys to be caught with, W/we did have this confrontation over Her finding url’s for D/s forums and chats, where i was going to try to figure things out.
4}If i had been caught would i have used those toys with her?
again, i would have loved to!
5} What would possess a man to hide such thing from a willing partner?
Lacking a willing partner, myself, i have to abstain from this question.
6}How can she get him to share and not hide?
Since She’s already deduced a lot of what he is hiding, perhaps the simplest was would be for Her to try to introduce some of these activities on Her own as things She would like to explore….sort of co-opt his interests.
Thank you for all of your comments………..I think your right in what you say her upbringing combined with yours does not lead to a open and sharing relationship and yes some people think kinky is being on top…….thats why I ask when someone says I want to get kinky what their idea of kinky is. I have to say I have heard that some southern woman are very uptight about sex must be the bible belt syndrome or something. I come from a very open atmosphere and even coming from that my eyes were opened by many things I never dreamed of but I decided not to freak but to embrace. Great advice on what she should do from here on our perhaps introducing it during their play will help him to open up. Thanks again for such a deep and thoughtful comment!
Thank You, Empress Constance. the way i look at it, what good are my experiences unless others can benefit from them?
coffee yes I agree let others benefit from what you know and have experienced and maybe it can help them along. I appreciate you sharing as you did and look forward to you sharing even more 🙂
how can i possibly resist encouragement like that Empress?
YOu cant so why try to resist 🙂
1} Do you hide your kinks from your wife or girlfriend
I still hide some of them, at least to the degree of playing them down so that I don’t engage in them with my wife. for example anal play. It’s really not something I’m into more than fantasizing and maybe occasionally exploring, but not something I’m ready to try with her.
2}Would you hide your kinks if she was open to them
again, maybe, but it’s because of embarrasment. I still occassionaly get embarrased when spanking comes up with her. No idea why, she knows I anjoy it and has no problem with it, but yet sometimes I can’t bring it up. I really never hesitate to spank her though. 🙂
3}If you were caught with toys would you be mad or relieved
Not mad. Embarrassed first, relieved second.
4}If you were caught would you use those toys with her
Probably
5} What would possess a man to hide such thing from a willing partner?
Embarrasment, or fear that it may change the other person’s perception of them. Maybe he doesn’t want her to think that this is high on his list of sexual activity, and he thinks that how she would take it?
6}How can she get him to share and not hide?
Call him out on it. It might be uncomfortable at first (no pun intended), but that will pass.
WellSpanked thank you so much for your input on this matter and I have to say I was a tad surprised about you not bringing up spanking with your wife I know how open and awesome your relationship with her is. I can understand not bringing up some things you may enjoy just a little but do not wish to make it a thing you do like anal sex…I think sometimes when confessing your kinks the partner tends to think thats all you want….it is up to us to say this is just a tiny part of what I like. I think everyone is on the same page with the why he doesn’t share he is embarrassed and ashamed and thinks that she will look at him in a diff way….dont blame him. In this case she has confronted and brought it out in the open yest he still denies it and even gets mad at her for bringing it up. I think he is just fighting being ashamed and it will take time for him to truly open up. Thanks so much for your awesome comments!!
I don’t think I said it clearly. I do bring up spanking, and she does know about it 100%, but sometimes I still get embarrassed by it.
I am curious why your still embarrassed by it? I mean she knows you like she seems to like it whats to be embarrassed about? I would love to spank you and you dont have to be embarrassed at ALL about that hehehehe
That makes 2 of us…well 3 because my wife doesn’t understand any embarrassment on my part either. I’m not sure if it’s aomehow that I want to be embarrassed about it? That there is some level of humiliation in being embarrassed? Honestly, I haven’t really dug into it. I’m sure there is some deep seated desire for something or other, LOL.
Seeing me do it, or seeing the aftermath not enough for you anymore? Hehe, I’m seen your enthusiam with regards to spankings, I’m not sure my butt is up to being on the line for you.
Thanks for the reply wellspanked it seems it is a mystery I dont expect to figure it all out some things just are and it seems even with our own feelings we cant figure them out which is cool…your honesty and willingness to touch on these subjects is MUCH appreciated so thank you……………..and as for Me spanking lol maybe your smart by avoiding me cause I doooooooo love me some red ass cheeks!!! hehehehe
Openness has its limits and it’s a generational thing, today’s generation of women are much more open minded and wilting to try things and have been exposed to kinks in the media etc. I believe if one found a willing partner they would be fools not to open up gradually , perhaps its our perception of our partners limits and not wanting to push them beyond it
Hell no but that rarely the case , many women say tell me but they don’t mean it if their first reaction is to freak out we men tend to close up
Many of us buy sex toys only to never use them it may have been a great idea at the time but perhaps both parties are afraid of opening up. Admitting to anal stimulation is like admitting you’re gay to many women (again a generational thing)
She recently found a stash of his toys by accident yet she does not know how to approach it with him because of the looming idea she is snooping and being nosey which is not how she found them at all. From a male point of view what would you think if your wife said I found your prostate massager and would love to see you use it for me? Would you say why were you snooping and don’t go through my things only to hide it in a better spot or would you be inclined to use it with her?
If she found them she should have the good sense to just use them one night without asking , asking means couples communication something we men are not good at..
So what I really want to know are a few things and I even created a poll over on our adult social network enchantrix empire to get your feedback.
1} Do you hide your kinks from your wife or girlfriend/ yes
2}Would you hide your kinks if she was open to them/ no
3}If you were caught with toys would you be mad or relieved/ depending how hoe she reacted to finding them
4}If you were caught would you use those toys with her/ yes if she was game
5} What would possess a man to hide such thing from a willing partner?/ fear of rejection
6}How can she get him to share and not hide?/ take the initiative we all like assertive women but don’t always admit it
I agree this day and age were far more open to alternative sexual kinks…….I agree if you find that special one who enjoys it you would be a fool not to try it………and I know what you mean if the first reaction to a kink is freak out forget it the man will close up and you have lost your chance for them to explore again men hate being rejected in any way! HA I love your opinion on the anal stimulator with my married friend she found it she should use it without saying a word……..dig your way of thinking for sure! Thank you for the reply and answering those questions i like how you put it be assertive with it men want an assertive woman but dont always admit it. We women dont get that often how men dont share we complain and bitch all the time and we cant understand why they wouldn’t…………but the fact remains men and women’s brains work so differently and it is important as a woman to understand and recognize that……………yes more work for us but to be in a happy healthy relationship it is worth it