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Kink Play and your partner some advice for you

So I just had an awesome call with a client I have been speaking to for years and enjoying. This was not a kink play call but instead it was just a chat. He shared with me how his wife has come around to chastity. Of course this got my blog juices flowing and I had to share some thoughts.

Kink Play and telling your partner

So many of you wish your partner was kinkier and enjoyed what you do. Some of you share this with them but some of you don’t out of fear. fear of what it might say about you or what they may think. My first bit of advice is communicating with your partner about your kink play likes. Do this during sex or foreplay or just when the mood is right. Be prepared to answer questions, be prepared to explain why you enjoy it. Also be prepared to reassure them about your kinky likes…meaning if you like strap on but not gay.

Details about what you enjoy

Part of communicating your kink play likes is the details. Tell them what turns you on, why, and how it feels when they do or say certain things. Show them the toy or the video. Let your partner know that it is not an all or nothing type thing. meaning if they just are not into it you would be unsatisfied. Give details and be excited about sharing it.

Let it be

This bit of advice has worked many many times. Tell them what you like why and such and then let it be. Do not badger them, do not bring it up every time you have sex. Just let it sit with them give it some time. More often than not your partner will explore these things with you at some point. They however never want to feel like you are obsessed with it.

Back up the talk

Once your partner has explored kink play with you back it up. Do not act awkward, embarrassed or ashamed. It is super important that those of you who are married behave as you would normally. Never ever the next day be any different than you normally are…unless you are more loving and attentive. Nothing builds confidence in a partner than a great reaction to an action, this can only help you in the future when dabbling with kink play again.

kink play Mistress Constance

 

9 comments to Kink Play and your partner some advice for you

  • Here here! Talking with your partner is huge, and I am still baffled by how many men and women don’t tell their partners what gets them off. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed, so speak up! BTW Constance I really really want you to spank me, since we’re talking about communication…. I’ve been holding that in. 😛 xoxoxoxo

  • I’m always so happy for a playmate when they tell Me that their partner at least knows. Sometimes that doesn’t mean they’re interested in partaking themselves, but at least the kinkster doesn’t have to suffer the pressure and anxiety of hiding something so major from the person they’re supposed to be spending their lives with. Secrets are hard on a LTR.

    I especially like the “Let it be” section, particularly if it turns out that your partner doesn’t share your kink. If they’re willing to accommodate you some of the time, you need to remember to accommodate them some of the time. It’s no more fair for your kink to take over the whole relationship than it is for them to deny you the opportunity to express it, even if it’s not with their participation.

  • cuckie

    Good advice……but for most sharing kinks is just a dream. But Congrats for those can live their dreams.

  • One of the best posts, EVER! You put it so well, Ms. Constance. For those who are brave enough to talk to a partner about what kinky things they like to do, communication is key. In a perfect world , partners would eventually come around. Sometimes, it is difficult if they flat out reject the kink. I guess that is where we come in as a supportive play mistress.

  • bfla

    This is a tricky one. I know from experience. On the one hand, you’re absolutely right, you don’t know until you try. And on a couple of occasions after your encouragement I have broached a couple kinks with my partner and been pleasantly surprised at her interest. And it has spiced up our sex life. But they have been what I’ll call lighter kinks. The flip side of that is if you know your partner really well, you know there are certain things that you risk upsetting her or doing damage to the relationship by bringing them up. I know from general conversations there are things I like that she wouldn’t understand. So I think discretion is the better part of valor there. And, to be really candid, there are things I enjoy that it would be too weird for me to do with her. So as much as I would love more kinky play with her, and as much as I agree that talking is the only way to find out, sometimes it’s more complicated and it just may be that there’s only so far to go with her.

    • Constance

      Oh I agree you have to know your partner and don’t share the wild stuff with them if you know for a fact they are ot into it but sharing some of them likeyou have can really be a nice twist . I never said it wasn’t complicated and everyone has to pick and choose what they share but sharing is caring just don’t freak them out hehehe

  • The “let it be” advice is the BEST advice of all !!!! You’re right … most times talking about a kinky fantasy or naughty desires is very scary with a partner. There are so many “what ifs” and the possibility of being really shut down. It’s scary. The HAREST part of that conversation is the wait … but if he is willing to wait and not push … he just might get a partner who fully knows him. That’s the best feeling in the world … being known.

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