So I recently wrote a blog about transgender people and how I felt. In the blog I mentioned that it was not for phone sex or kink purposes, I wrote the blog because I wanted to share from my heart about a topic that is near and dear to me. I received a comment that made me say hmmmmmm and it was about humiliation and Mistresses who blog about it, and how it might make our readers feel and that perhaps we should consider those who might feel hurt and maybe not write about it but share it during a private session.
Reading about others Humiliation
Does reading about the humiliation of others bother you? I know that there are many many people who are not into any type of humiliation and I can see them not getting into those posts but does it hurt you? Make you feel bad about your likes?
Does she feel this way about you
I know I have said this many times about the things I write and I express this to my clients on the phone who ask, but what I write about is for the general public for those into it and who enjoy it, from humiliation to cum eating to cuckolding and many other things. I have expressed that just because one person loves me to laugh at him in panties it does not mean I laugh at everyone in panties. So for the record again I do not carry my other feelings for other callers and their special kinks onto you unless you ASK FOR IT.
How do I really feel
How I really feel about you or your kinks is expressed on a call and no matter how I write about them here on my blog it will never translate to our session unless that is what you have asked for. I have more than one feeling about kinks and look at each kinky person as an individual and they are treated as such.
How to avoid being hurt or feeling bad
So instead of reading a blog with a title ( my titles always tell you what it is about) that you know may bother you just skip it, or remind yourself oh she felt this way about HIM but I know she does not feel this way about ME. I cant sensor my blog for fear of offending someone in fact the blogs I have written that have bothered some have turned out to be the best blogs for marketing and reaching clients that I want to attract to me.
So please if you take nothing away from this blog but this; I am not in the business of making people feel bad about their kinks unless they ask for it and no matter what you read on this blog about humiliation phone sex or any other topic I write about that may make you feel not so great, know that is done so for me and not to make you feel bad. I think when you pick up that phone and talk to me you will find I enjoy your kink just like you do and will make it the best session you have ever had!
Final thoughts
I appreciate all of my callers and followers and I welcome the feed back that got this conversation going, but understand that although I wont try to write things that will hurt people, if I were to sensor myself on this blog with things that are sure not to bother some it would be filled with flowers and rainbows and that’s not really what it is all about. Please feel free to leave comments about this topic.
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In the past, and even now I do sometimes feel badly for those who appeared to humiliated in blogs or blogs about calls. But I have come to understand that these kinky and sometimes humbling subjects are merely ways to push erotic buttons. I know you are a kind and caring Mistress who always has her callers best interests at heart. Not only that , I suppose to many, my situation might be considered humiliating.
So, I’ve come to appreciate that there are different strokes for different folks. If my Mistress is writing about it…. That subbie surely must have enjoyed the experience! Whether I would have enjoyed it or not, doesn’t really matter 🙂
thank you very much for your comment cuckie I appreciate it
Lol, I just got visions of some dude standing outside your store front burning his polka dot panties in protest. Jumping up and down screaming “you offended me” Seriously, why would you limit yourself on what kink or even words you might use. Whether it’s lil dickies, fags, sluts or dirty bitches, I say let write it and don’t ever allow one client limit you and your successes. 🙂
thank you very much for your comment
Good afternoon mistress. Just my two cents. You happen to be one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. How can someone be offended by something that they have brought to you? If the person on the other end of you phone brings there link to you and you give them the best call they’ve ever had then how can that bother them. They brought it to you. Also if they took the time to read for just a moment they should understand that you could possibly write about your call in your blog. I agree with you if your hung up about reading about your kink in your blog skip it. Speaking for myself I would be proud if you wrote about on of our calls in your blog. Get ahold of your self and embrace your link. If you do and continue to work with you I know for a fact you will have the most mind blowing times of your life.
thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond I appreciate it
Well done Miss Constance. This is a kind and polite blog post about boundaries. I think the intimacy inherent in phone sex and sex work can sometimes lead to a blurring of boundaries. That is normal and I think it is often an appropriate kind of reaction …. and yet, boundaries remain important for the benefit of the caller AND the Mistress.
When a caller begins to try and dictate the public behavior of a Mistress, it never comes to a good end.
I know as a Mistress I don’t like it when someone tries to push my boundaries — I find that behavior tedious and unsexy.
The thought that someone would try to tell me what to post on my blog actually boggles my mind! You’ve given a polite and well reasoned blog post. I’ve had those emails/comments before (just a couple times) and I just say, NO — although one caller wanted to tell me what types of calls to do (and not do) — he didn’t STAY my caller because that’s not sexy, friendly or smart behavior.
thank you very much for your comment Ms Olivia
OMG, W….that is the BEST damn comment ever! Polka dot panties, jumping up and down! Yeah. That. hahahahhahahaha This is just a kooky as someone who is going into a Car dealership and saying I’m OFFENDED you’re selling (name a car brand here) … I don’t want you selling THAT car. Well. Okay. And, thanks for sharing sparky. HA!
thank you again sexy lady
Ms Constance, nice topic and for me, I read just about all topics you write about. There are a lot of things that don’t turn me on but I read them because I’m interested in what everybody likes and dislike. In this kinky world you may say things that people might not like but I’m sure they understand the aspects of this business. Great topic. I always enjoy reading your blogs.
thank you for stopping by and giving your thoughts kurt I appreciate them
Well, I feel a bit like the guest roast on Comedy Central. Everyone has had their shot, now I get the mike, lol.
Obviously it was my comment on your transgender blog that sparked this blog. I think it’s important to note that I wrote a 19-sentence, 5-paragraph comment that was highly praiseworthy of the way you handled an important, sensitive topic. Two of the 19 sentences merely said, consider this.
More importantly, it appears everyone misunderstood my comment. In an effort to carefully craft my thoughts, I was probably too vague. So now I won’t be. I wasn’t referring to all humiliation blogs or even the topic of humiliation in general. Almost all humiliation blogs or fetishes in general have nothing to do with social issues. I was merely referring to the fact, that, on occasion, in a very small number of blogs and other settings across the board, mistresses and callers alike will use words like fag or faggot (as an example), which, whether anyone likes it or not, will cause hurt to a certain segment of the population because they bleed over into a social issue — historical treatment of gays (again an example).
That separates in my mind the situation from terms like dirty bitch or sluts or l’il dickies, which have nothing to do with any of that and don’t raise any kind of larger connotation. I found that comment unavailing, as I did the comparison on the transgender blog to people who don’t like cum eating or cross dressing. Liking or not liking a fetish has nothing to do with the relationship between certain ideas or words and a social issue.
My comment was a direct response to your statements about separating what you do from how you feel on this important issue. It isn’t something I would normally go around saying, but since you raised the issue and invited discussion, I thought it was an appropriate point to make that, while many people feel like you do, use of certain words may cause a different idea. And I still think it was a relevant point to raise.
The idea that I was attempting to dictate what anyone writes by responding directly to an issue you raised I find mystifying. It was far from that and I would never do that. I simply raised it as a point to consider, not saying there was a specific answer or trying to dictate what you or anyone writes. In fact, in the prior sentence, I specifically said we should all be aware that if you’re writing about something from a humiliating point of view, it isn’t your one and only viewpoint on the issue.
So the criticism I received was both surprising and disappointing. Surprising because of how widely misinterpreted my comment was, disappointing because people who have never spoken to me and don’t know me automatically assumed what I meant and jumped in with unfair and misplaced criticism. Without even making an effort to find out what I meant.
Now I realize there is room for disagreement on my comment. And if people have opposite opinions, fair enough. You and I have discussed this topic enough for me to know and understand the opposite point of view. But the suggestions (not from you) both implicit and explicit that I shouldn’t have said what I did I find unfair. I didn’t give up my ability to think freely merely because I have submissive sexual tendencies in some areas.
As for this blog itself, after some time to reflect and taking the time to talk to you about it so I could understand the thought process a little better, I think it’s great. And worth discussing, even if it’s a different point than I was trying to make. There was a point in time because of the importance and emotions of the interactions I have with the mistresses I know that when a mistress I was with wrote about a fetish that I enjoy but in a humiliating way for the benefit of those who enjoy it, I was uncomfortable. And bothered. And asking myself questions like “is that how she feels?”
But that was wrong. Thanks to your help and Kaylee’s, I moved past that. Even if I don’t like something, I completely understand that this is what you do, and, frankly, you like it all. And that’s a good thing. And that writing about something one way has nothing to do with how you enjoy things with me, or how we interact together. What matters is what we experience together, and I needed to trust that more than I did. I think I do now. If I can see something is a topic I don’t like, I don’t read. But, like Kurt, honestly because I want to see what the mistresses I know and like are writing about, I often do read them. And they don’t bother me as they once did.
So I think every single point you made in this blog is a good one, well thought out, and reflective of an understanding of the issue. I thought you set out in a polite, sensitive, and reasoned way, the same way you did to me in the past privately, why readers shouldn’t take offense, why you shouldn’t and wouldn’t ever censor yourself, and some tips to the extent they are needed.
I think in the end, maybe something we could all take away from this is to follow Olivia’s most excellent advice about not reading what you don’t like and simply changing the channel rather than shouting out how offended you are. And apply it also to blog comments that aren’t about or addressed to you.
So thanks for reading and always allowing me to express my thoughts to you, both privately and in public. You’re a first-class person for that and many other reasons.
thank you very much for your very well thought out and well written reply I appreciate it
Interesting comment bfla.
I WILL take exception though with your saying that terms like dirty bitch or slut are divorced from “social issues.” Google the “slut walk” — it started in Canada. Google the pushback from women who are called bitch because they don’t like to be objectified while walking down a public street …. google: hollaback campaign to end street harassment. I think the difference is these terms (which you say are okay to you) are about women, where as fag or faggot is traditionally said as a slur against a man. I think that’s why I think you comment might be …. hmmm …. (not sure what word to put here) …
Does that make sense.
BUT, I will say this …. you sure did spark an intelligent and lively conversation which is always wonderful! So THANK YOU for that. There is ALWAYS room for different points of view, always … and I love it when a blog is so exciting as to elicit different points of view even if you did feel like you were on a ‘roast’ … didn’t Henry Ford say ANY attention is good? LOL Okay, your experience may vary but …. well, you’re bright, I’m sure you ‘get’ what I’m saying in a gentle/teasing way.
Thanks for the kudos … one of the things that I really love about LDW and the Mistresses here is that we ARE sensitive to caller and we are VERY PRIVATE with your intimate secrets because we know how much a breach of privacy means….when you publicly posted your comment, YOU made it public …. not the Mistress. Now, if a Mistress in your past did something to you know I know you know Miss Constance and Miss Kaylee well enough to know they don’t roll that way. I don’t either….the vast majority of us don’t. IF you ever have a problem with a particular Mistress, address it to her directly and/or to Ms Ally and, trust me, that shit gets HANDLED and handled quickly.
YAY for conversations, discussions and debate!
Well said Ms Olivia!!! Terms like bitch and slut are just a offensive as words like faggot and racial slurs. It makes me very sad and a bit outraged that it is so accepted and ingrained in our culture that even in a discussion about sensitivity, the derogatory slurs against women are still not recognized as a big deal. With that said and getting back to the topic at hand. I don’t have any problem with humiliation and using slurs in kinky play. For me, being a Humiliatrix is a very small part of who I am. It is not something that crosses over into non kinky real life situations and no, generally speaking I do not feel that way about ALL of *insert demographic here*. As for my blog – I consider it to be a kink zone. Anything I discuss on the phone is fair game for the blog. How else will the kinky guys who DO like humiliation know that I can do it and do it well?
thank you again for such a great input on this topic
Decides to step around this mine field and torture myself looking über hot pictures of Mistress’s Constance and Olivia instead of commenting 🙂
Recently I have toned down humiliation blog posts unless they are playful and erotic. In the past I do believe I may have hurt someone’s feeling as a result of these posts. Lately I do not handle extreme mean humiliation as I did in the past. Boundaries, yes Ms Constance. I see how I feel after a humiliation call. If I feel good and the boy has received catharsis, then I’m Happy how it went. If I get a bad feeling, or a pain somewhere, I believe this caller should find someone else to call.
Another excellent post, Ms. Constance 🙂 W, your comment had me laughing so hard my sides hurt! Ms. Olivia, thank you for your comments–I’ve actually actually participated in Slut Walks, Take Back the Night, ect… The most powerful and effective words in humiliation are rarely if ever gender or orientation neutral, and they frequently touch on larger social issues.
I’m glad to see the feedback regarding the open exchange of ideas and letting your freak flag fly 😉 Humiliation by it’s very nature is a touchy subject, made to provoke a response–and just like any other kink, there are those who like it and those who don’t. I think it’s fantastic we have a open forum to explore the many different fetishes that we enjoy.
I want to thank everyone for their very thoughtful and awesome comments on this blog. I took one line from another comment for a diff blog and turned it into this discussion and no matter where you stand on the topic it is clear we are all very passionate and also respectful of others and I thank you all. Due to the sheer length in the comments I am not going to answer all of them at this time but do check back to see when I do answer them……..I have read each one and appreciate each persons stand on this thank you all so much
I LOVE this post, Ms Constance! Thanks to Ms Olivia for pointing to it on her Twitter.
This is something I’ve struggled with. I have some callers who love my rougher side, and some others who are frightened by it, so I try to be more gentle with them. But when it comes to my blog, anything goes, and I know some of them read it and say hmmmm.
Well, it used to stop me from posting what I wanted but that’s not good for me or for my callers and readers who want to see that side of me. So I go ahead with whatever, and yes some callers shy away, but what can ya do?
I’m not as nice as you 🙂
thank you for coming by and adding to the discussion
As you all can see I didnt go back and forth in my replies I simply thanked all of you for commenting and being a part of this very interesting discussion. I think my best plan of action is to again thank each and everyone of you for the time and effort you put into your comments and how passionate you all are about the topic. No matter where you stand on this I think it is great we all shared our feelings and thoughts…..some might say my lack of response is a cop out I simply choose to pull out my Mistress card which give me the privilege to do or not do what I like when I like heheheheh and more than that I am moving on and putting this behind me yet keeping those thoughts feeling and comments with me…thank you again everyone